Recipe #100 - Icebox Butter Cookies

Sorry for slacking. What is my excuse? I don't have one. So there.

But here I am, I am back. I am ready to take on my next challenge.

I got 8 responses to the last post suggesting numbers for me, and out of those 8, random number generator told me lucky response #2 would be the winner. So, Rachel picked number 1. Well guess what folksies. The recipes in the book don't start till the 30s-40s! So I decided to add two 0's to the end of Rachel's number 1 and get 100. That sounds fair, right? I think so, I suppose.

This doesn't mean that you should start only picking numbers above 30. It just means I will change the rules as I see fit, because I can do that sort of thing.

See? Random number generator doesn't lie.

So the next recipe is icebox butter cookies! More butter! Yay! With all of the butter I'm purchasing I should probably buy stock in it. Can you do that? Buy stock in butter? I have no idea how that sort of thing works. You know what, don't even tell me, you'll just confuse me. I bet there is math involved somehow.

So here is what the talented (yet crazy) Ms. Stewart has to say about icebox cookies.

"Since you slice and bake only what you need, these logs of dough are great to keep on hand for when guests drop by or for when you're in the mood for just a few cookies..."

Let me stop you there, Martha. No one "stops by" my house unannounced. I would shoot them. Do you know what my house usually looks like? It looks like a nuclear bomb went off. A nuclear bomb that was filled with dirty dishes and cat toys. So I won't be needing these cookies for my unannounced visitors. Secondly, when am I ever in the mood for "just a few" cookies. When I want cookies, I want to eat them by the dozens. I want to pour them down my gaping maw while cackling hilariously and counting down the moments until my sugar induced coma.

That last part isn't so much true, but the first part definitely is. Where were we?

"They can be kept in the freezer, wrapped well in plastic and parchment, for up to three weeks; let dough sit at room temperature for thirty minutes before slicing. To help logs hold their shape, chill them first in empty paper-towerl tubes"

I don't know. That sounds like a load of crap to me. Empty paper towel tubes? This sounds like too much work. I have a feeling my cookies will not be perfectly round. They will probably have a flat bottom. Much like myself. (Ha, who am I kidding?).

So this recipe offers three variations for the types of cookies I can make. I guess this means I get to choose! One is just regular boring, I guess like a sugar cookie of types, one has chopped nuts (who cares? Boring), and the other has CHOCOLATE FLAKES! I think these are like snow flakes, but made of chocolate. Therefore, I am in.

These look ridiculously easy, so I will probably be able to knock these out in a few days. Maybe in between that time I will have a chance to write to you about the cake disaster I made for Easter. (By the way, I hold myself to ridiculously high standards, everyone else thought the cake was fine, I thought it tasted like garbage).

Here is what Martha says the icebox butter cookies should look like.

mmm cookie logs

Recipe #87 - Breton Biscuits - The Verdict!

Recipe # 2 is done! It's in the bank. In the bag. In my belly.
I forget how that saying is supposed to go anyway.

I can say with confidence that this recipe was a great success. And not just because anything would be a great success over the debacle that was recipe #1. These cookies were genuinely freaking tasty! I will start at the beginning, because that is where things should start.

Here is what Martha said the cookies should look like. I'll be honest, I wasn't too intimidated. Yes, there is "lattice work" but c'mon, I'm not an idiot, I can make this work.

Do you like my makeshift cookbook stand? I'm classy.

The cast of characters. The recipe called for room temperature butter. Can I tell you a secret? When this picture was taken the butter was not room temperature! I know. Insanity. You wouldn't have even known if I didn't tell you, so just chalk it up to my unwavering honesty.

Martha is a big fan of sifting. Me? Not so much. But I did it, because she asked me to.

I won't bore you with all the steps. You're just here for my witty commentary and wonderful iphone photography, let's be honest =D

I love creaming. Butter + Sugar = Love.

Yeah, that's Dashboard Confessional in the background. Haven't I given you enough ammo to judge me? Why do I do this?

Once all the wet ingredients were combined, I added the flour and had to roll it out on a "lightly floured surface." I took this to mean I should put at least enough flour on the surface to draw pictures in it.

Don't worry, for my next recipe I will use a real camera.

You separate the dough into two batches and make them into discs. Then you make hand prints in them. Ok, that wasn't in the cookbook, I took that one upon myself.


You have to let your dough discs chill up for a while first, so I did just that.

Also pictured - Worlds largest jar of mayonnaise, the remainder of the god awful olives from recipe #1, lots of yogurt in flavors like boston cream pie, I can't believe it's not butter! (It's NOT butter btw), more eggs than anyone could ever possibly need (except me, I needed them it turns out), Pepperoni (which I ate by itself later in the evening), and CARROTS. You know, for healthful reasons.

Once the dough is chilled, you roll it out into sheets and then you put it in the freezer. Apparently the dough needs to be freezing it's ass off before you can cut it.

Mmm.....dough.

Here are the cookies with the egg wash on them. Mmmmm. Egg bath.

Using a cookie cutter is fun. Also, I have an odd idea of what "fun" is.

They were big cookies!

Except, of course, that I have freakishly small hands. Don't make fun of me :(

Martha, I think you should put a disclaimer. The picture in the book is not to size.

What do you mean there is a bite taken out of that cookie? I certainly wouldn't take a bite out of a raw cookie. No sir. Not I.

Look Martha, I'm rotating the cookie sheets, just like you said. I don't think it made a difference though.


After 15ish minutes, the cookies were done!

Look at this sexy bitch.

I decided I even needed to take a glamour shot of the cookie on a plate. On the cooling rack didn't do it justice.

Ooooohhh yeah.

Go ahead, just say it. "I want to put that cookie in my mouth."

Extreme closeup. Cookie porn.

I'm sorry I didn't have any fun pictures from my shopping trip, but the only thing I didn't have was the cake flour and that was not an exciting grocery trip. I promise in the future I will document the grocery trip if it is entertaining. If I forget maybe I will draw it out for you. That will be particularly hilarious since I can't draw for shit.

I guess it's time for the final verdict! As I'm sure you can deduce from the tone of the post (in comparison to the last post) this was a pretty damn successful recipe! Martha said that these are very similar to shortbread and I would have to agree. I do think I could have made the cookies a little bit thicker, but overall I was quite pleased.

Level of Difficulty - 1/2 out of 5 Sticks of Butter


Appearance - 4 out of 5 sticks of Butter


Taste - 4 out of 5 sticks of Butter

(I'm sorry but I couldn't be arsed to find a cute butter graphic and alter it for rating purposes. So sue me. On second thought, don't sue me. That would be overkill)

It's back to you now, ladies and gentlemen. I need more numbers so I can pick the next recipe! In the interim I will have another post for you because I baked something else for Easter yesterday.

So, what recipe will I make next? You can comment a number between 1-400 (not 333 or 87) and I will randomly select one of them within the next few days! Come on and participate, you know you want to.